June 25, 2023

When I was in ministry in Jasper, Alberta, there were a lot of clever signs for sale in the touristy gift shops, including some that said, ‘Friends Welcome, Family by Appointment’. This thought is fitting given our gospel in which Jesus suggests not loving your family too much, or at least not loving any relative more than you love God. We’re lucky that we’re hearing the Matthew version today, since it’s Year A. In Year C we hear the Luke version that’s quite a bit harsher, with Jesus supposedly saying ‘unless you HATE your mother, father, son, daughter, etc. … you cannot be my disciples’. Friends Welcome, Family by Appointment – that idea resonates with the notion of ‘friends who become family’ or friends to whom we come to feel as close, as we do to family, or closer.

I had a friend like that for about the last 50 years, and she just died last week in Winnipeg at the age of 91. She’d been struggling for years with both physical and mental illness – so her passing was a welcome release from her pains and struggles. I thought of Anne as my Canadian mother, to cherish along with my Italian mother. And Anne was also my daughter’s godmother. Anne was often a source of great fun and laughter, like the time she and I were going to a Winnipeg writer’s group meeting, with her driving. Our happy chatting enroute was interrupted by the sound of a siren behind us, as a police car pulled us over. We were both quite worried when the policeman asked if Anne knew what speed she was going. She smiled at the officer, looked contrite, and began apologizing for inadvertently speeding, but the policeman put up his hand and said: ‘No, no, no, you were going too slow!’.

Or, there was the time when she took my daughter Liz and I out for lunch for Liz’s 12th birthday, with a plan to go to the mall after lunch. As we finished lunch and prepared to go to the mall, Anne decided to dispense some of her elder wisdom to her fond young goddaughter – basically saying that we would mostly wait, while Liz went around the mall spending her birthday money, because at our ages, we no longer needed much in the material realm – you know how it is – we were supposedly beyond such trivial material concerns. So, we checked our watches and agreed to meet up again with Liz in about two hours. However, we were quite embarrassed, since we’d come across a great sale at a wonderful women’s clothing store; and then walked back towards young Liz with large bags hanging from our hands … whereas she had just one tiny bag with a few small items. … Have you ever had such ‘elder teaching moments’ backfire like this? In retrospect it was funny. As we reminisced about this event over many years, Anne and I would usually burst into laughter. But at the time we could only look at young Liz with a certain painful humility, and offer apologies, or at least excuses. Part of the reason I enjoy going to Indigenous events is because they seem to always promote respect for the elders … sounds so appealing, and not often heard elsewhere.

Today’s gospel is quite confusing with about five separate stories or teachings, including some rather explosive lines about Jesus not bringing peace, but a sword; and about deep family divisions to be expected in the Christian life. So, I looked at The Message Bible version of this gospel, and wanted to share that with you:

24-25“A student doesn’t get a better desk than her teacher. A laborer doesn’t make more money than his boss. Be content—pleased, even—when you, my students, my harvest hands, get the same treatment I get. If they call me, the Master, ‘Dungface,’ what can the workers expect?

26-27“Don’t be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don’t hesitate to go public now.

28“Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands. …..

29-31“What’s the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.

32-33“Stand up for me against world opinion and I’ll stand up for you before my Father in heaven. If you turn tail and run, do you think I’ll cover for you?

34-37“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don’t deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don’t deserve me. [says Jesus, and he goes on:]

38-39“If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”

From The Message by Eugene H Peterson https://www.bible.com/bible/97/MAT.10.MSG

‘Don’t think that I’ve come to make life cozy’ Jesus says in this version, and ‘If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don’t deserve me.’ That’s hard to follow when they’re sweet, adorable babies; but much easier when they’re teenagers! While today we had a complicated, challenging and even shocking gospel, it’s comforting to know that Jesus foresaw some of our family & community struggles. It’s no use being a Christian in hopes of having an easy life or perfect family. Instead, we accept the hardships just as Jesus did. In fact, our hardships are often the best route to drawing closer to Christ on the cross. ‘Do not be afraid’ Jesus often said – may we come to see the challenges & losses in our lives as making more room for God’s love, Amen.